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  For JenniRae

  Table of Contents

  Front Lawn4

  Last5

  Rock6

  Smile 8

  Life9

  Fail10

  Push/Pull11

  Which12

  Grandmother13

  Soulmate14

  Ruby Red15

  Eviscerator17

  Untitled18

  To the years have passed19

  In Passing20

  Arrow22

  One way24

  n.Either25

  Rifle26

  You28

  Cold Pressed29

  swept30

  echelon31

  End32

  Walk33

  Now35

  One37

  A Son38

  Instilled a Place39

  David40

  Swept41

  Queen of Spades44

  Front Lawn

  the soil has been tilled, filled, with rotten wood

  the air is clear, even filled with cottonwood

  sunshine lights their grins against the dark

  the room is filled, with pieces of my heart

  misplaced and broken, shining like a single star up in the sky

  in the dark, it's the only thing that's caught my eye

  against their wrists they hold pieces of glass

  a mosaic of missing ribs, and questions to ask

  she's

  clawed to find, buried, underneath, the creases of silk

  her belly grows big, breasts, full with sour milk

  that stone turned to flesh that cannot roll, two arms, two legs, and a head with no place on the road

  so, dig deep and, dirty those hands, to help it grow

  everyone feels the pain of ripping chords

  of having to give, let live, and let it go

  and here we are, at the edge, its here to pass

  what will happen now, will be over soon, and in the past

  you'll know when it was over, long before it becomes the truth

  we're counting on you to get what you're after

  we're counting on you to be you

  Last

  In time, it going to be ok

  If it's too much, stop, just stop, stop yourself

  sometimes when we try too hard, that's what keeps it going

  sometimes when we have nothing at all, that's what keeps us going

  nowhere to go but up from here

  greed is surpassed by needs when the time calls for it

  wants and wishes are shadows to what you we have

  and in time, your heart will stop beating if you let it

  sometimes if you need it, breathe and respect it

  when things are at their worst, it isn't time to give up

  it isn't time to let go of what you know

  of the things that you love

  cause sometimes in anger,

  sometimes in pain,

  sometimes in frustration

  we do what has been done to us over again

  but we haven't truly been here

  and we don't know of tomorrows wishes granted

  or tomorrow's woes

  but here, right now

  I'm with you, and I'll make sure it's ok

  cause all at once, time will stop for me,

  and i haven't a second chance

  it's the most important thing

  nothing, is all i ask

  everything all at once, at last. 

  Rock

  its only just a memory

  but can it serve you well, 

  cold and sweet, dear: heartbeat, 

  swell

  can you remember me? 

  as bleak as the harvest well, 

  walled up - wall it up...

  had enough?

  tie tight to the scarecrow-

  dear widow, 

  sit 

  in the middle, 

  overthrow, 

  protector, protect her...

  right, by the window

  ...had to go 

  turn in your faith

  resembled a place 

  you mark with a hidden smile 

  behind all, what you can call - your name 

  call your face, 

  all the while 

  astute in the angles of delivery

  crowded over the sound

  taken into and abide by the account 

  about our bodies 

  underground

  reach to my hand, 

  i live even if i cannot breathe

  lungs compressed, 

  wrapped in weeds

  cough suppressed, 

  it pleases me

  tell me it's you

  oh, its you

  colors: purple, black and specks of blue

  the shape- who cares? 

  that 

  you're fingers of the tree; the root

  i do. 

  tell me it's you

  it's you

  if there's only one, 

  recollect and suspect 

  oh, skeleton key, faint memory

  metal and neat, dear: complete, 

  find it in you to find it in me

  i've missed you

  Smile

  thank you for listening to me, for i am deaf

  thank you for seeing me, for i am blind

  thank you for holding my hand, for i have no fingers

  thank you for loving me, for i have no heart

  thank you, for doing the things you will always do,

  even when i cannot

  and knowing that we can

  even though, there is no possible way

  to untie

  every string

  tied in knots

  because life finds its way into the dead

  a sound will fill the silence

  even when that is all that's left,

  in a place where nothing can be said

  a bird with a broken wing

  a horse with a broken leg

  wounds will heal them

  and they will both find a place in the end

  and this home, is our home

  together we will make it stand

  without blood, bone

  nor sand

  the river, where no stone can block

  as water passes, under, over, and around the rock

  the fire that will char the earth

  will also warm the basement, the den, the hearth

  the best is ours

  where we make due at the end of the hour

  where mannequins will keep us company

  that remind us they are just like me.

  Life

  if all *life- - would wait 

  out of view in *depth, dimension

  out of *turn

  in *terms,

  *accepted

  say to me you'd wait

  til the day is tomorrow  

  when the signs *re-ply - (resign, and say)

  "ok, continue..."

  is this what we've brought it to

  in the place where we pull ourselves

  inside out,

  and beyond

  what we've

  been through 

  all the way to a place that isn't found

  and

  defined

  by our eyes

  this is how

  we share our lives

  present today,

  come together

  stand beside

  compromise

  this spec of dirt, oil found beneath the soil

  it is tilled and wrought

  muscles torn in turmoil

  beg that burden begets the streng
th

  of the last tenth of misery

  sharpens your will

  to pull from the trench(es)

  (of) that past-tense

  sink your teeth into the savory

  (and through them speak apology)

  compromise

  stand be-side

  come together

  today

  today

  today

  this is how

  we share our lives

  Fail

  this stone

  may it bleed a whisper

  to say that it is alive

  solid in and still

  even shattered in pieces, it can never die

  but no one to care

  this board

  may it tilt and dance in the wind

  skipping the beat

  giving in,

  split and repeat

  (may you) forgive her

  but no one's there

  a boat, capsized, survivor

  swimming to the surface

  on the shore, there is nevermore

  a place of no existence

  where children cannot be bore

  but no one to listen

  dreams live in the daylight

  twilight drives the dust

  and they swirl together

  but everyone's had enough

  a tiny ribbon in a man that made a difference

  see how he doesn't make it

  but no one's looking, no more

  they'll read it over again, and the fire will burn sweet

  turning thoughtful stacks into ashes

  in a flash

  swept to forget

  how incomplete

  no ones left to remember...

  all these things as they change

  not now, not ever the same

  but just not yet

  we've never been this way, never had this way

  haven't seen this light or darkness or unimaginable thing that is indiscernible from what is wrong or true

  alone,

  we walk with you

  no revival to enforce the way, as this hasn't been the way before

  no words to say as they can't be said, haven't been said before.

  but we make due

  Push/Pull

   if you try and pull a door open and it doesn't open..  

  why not try and push it open?

   

  if things aren't working out and you can't work things out

  why don't you just walk around

  step away

   

  do you know where do you stand?

   

  are you sifting in the silt, carrying flowers beyond wilt, 

  at the end of your wit, where splintered wood is what makes it that broken home, your home, into what you've thought, what you bought,  and what you've built

   

  break it down

  take it down

  let it sink into the sand

   

  because things take time and those grains of days and nights, are just like grains of rice, in your hand

   

  are they even?

  (and if they are) although they may suffocate

  it was once what you fair

  but death allows for rebirth, allows for re-make

   

  but allowances can only bear

   what you're allowed,

  maybe for what you've lost,

   maybe you can never retake

   

  maybe you never had them, maybe you made a mistake

   

  those sins never redeemed, or those repairs needed on those tattered seams when all you should do is find something else to wear

  because the light that people shine, when their ideas burn bright produces far too much glare

   

  its remarkably simple, how to turn truth on a spindle, where it applies to both sides 

  and both eyes can't see eye to eye

   

  close them and then you will see that thoughts and emotions don't follow the laws of physics

  that either, or, doesn't matter, because there is no matter (or doesn't, this isn't happening, it has to be this way...)

  something or nothing, pushing and pulling, falling and ascending, 

  bonds aren't held with glue, nails, or rivets

   

  in hopes, in your soul, and in dreams- there is no weight, and there is no space

  there is no eye for an eye, no tooth for a tooth, there is no equal and no opposite reaction for actions

  there is no road to travel that can measure in a mile,

  to get to

  where you are after

   

  with a smile, (i mean, you must have seen this before)

  maybe it's been a while, but,

  (either way,) it all doesn't matter

  Which

  whose life will it be

  have you held moments of clarity

  as they are particles 

  articles, devoid of consistency 

  context and contours 

  can be made by the persistence we pass up

  unto the shadows that leave

  rumors of the glass tube, 

  in the deserted dust

  a broken bulb should be hint, 

  enough. 

  into the street, and down the forgetful rows 

  blinded by metal stirrups

  those legs, wide open 

  much more than a hiccup

  far less than a rose 

  its the haze that favors tranquility

  captivated by unsynchronized bouts at discovery

  the truth

  an end all

  but theres no return

  no rerun for the masses

  the church to believe in,

  only burns

  tell those women to pack up 

  back to the men

  that would forgive them both for living

  and both for dying 

  to live a life in terror of choice

  to say nothing, with a voice

  are both 

  never simple. 

  Grandmother

  my grandmother says:

  if it was meant to be, then it is meant to be

  nothing i do or say can change (it)

  and that i'm hopeless against (it)

  eternally damned to be complete (ed)

   

  (as concrete as i am) there is no armor against you

  no wall or barricade

  no façade or tidal wave

  to destroy, conceal or wash away

  the truth

   

  as things work out and don't work,

   

  you are (searching) for me

  and i am (searching) for you

   

  yeah, actions-

  speak louder

  than words

  and i am cursed where i (stand and )

  can't stand but help and notice

  the way

  you move

  unheard -

   

  its silent to pull me

  at as speed as instant

  and infinite

  as gravity

   

  cause light speaks sight,

  as the words, i may, i might

  and goddamn it is what it is

  or tomorrows another day, it could be

   

  but my grandmamma

   

  says

  patience...

  ...

  it is

  it will

  it shall be

  right now, it is a pure informality

  love and happiness

  my greatest enemy

   

  things are shaping up

  i'm caving in

  as cold as ice

  i'm shaving thin

   
r />   wake me up

  break me up

  no matter what

  (we will lose and we will win)

   

  i close the door

  that you'll just walk around,

  let yourself in

  Soulmate

  Dear Soulmate,

   

  I understand that you might not have enough time to read this since you must be busy challenging the world with a smile while holding hands with the fingerless, and having lighthearted conversations to the deaf about music. I wanted to leave this, even though I know that you would hear me anyways.

   

  While you are caressing the thought of traveling to some distant location where you may happen upon the misadventure of beauty, I too hope that I may resemble it enough for you to remember and recognize me. Until then, may we make the time to have our perceptions become keen enough to see through the light.

   

  Upon a dark path a flower grows and I know that I too will find you there. Find me there as well. Know that I would have always been searching for you. As it has always been I merely catch a glimpse of you in passing of passer-bys. I find you in the shoulders, feet, and elbows, in the hands before the eyes, and in the echo of a striding stranger before I recognize that I am still searching. In my youth it took much longer.

   

  We may only be from a time yet to begin in this life and for that I ask, myself and you, do not change, do not remove us from this task. Remember that until that time I am still missing from you, and you are missing from me. Your heart may have been broken, your will indisposed, your last wish granted and the vile may have torn away your clothes, but do not conceal the love that is your soul.

   

  I am the hand on your back on a crowded city street; just as lost as you. Even though, may I be the man that you imagine. I search within myself and find happiness, long before this life, but never before you.

   

  As you write the same words and leave them for me, know that I have opened my heart beyond what it has been and may you find that light from whatever distance you are.

   

  My star,

   

  Me.

  Ruby Red

  she's "truly" (your's truly) 

  a ruby red sequin in a drop of blood

  another pigment of      the~dye~among    the rough

  diamonds last forever but does love

  eternal vows become weathered 

  when you can't make enough

  this is the ring of fire (water)

  burns with flames (knots) that perspire